


If You Could Let Us Inside Your Heart

by ImmigrantPhenomenon



Series: Over, Under, and Back Again [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood, Desperation, First Period, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Multi, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Smut, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans Character, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, slight watersports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-03 00:50:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14557275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmigrantPhenomenon/pseuds/ImmigrantPhenomenon
Summary: Twice, Alex actually felt accepted for being who he was, trans. Alexand-er not Alexand-raAnd once, Thomas and John actually proved it.





	1. Let Me Understand

**Author's Note:**

> This does contian very discriptive scenes containing periods (!!! Otherwise known as the menstrual cycle) so if that makes you uncomfortable *don't read.
> 
> *get your head out of your ass

John took Alex's hand and trudged down the hallway, face set and hard. They stopped in the empty hallway, lockers lining in neverending rows on either side of them. John stopped, the door third door down the hallway in their sights.

Alex looked up, fearing the look on John's face, eyebrows creased with worry.

“You can't keep skipping class, Alex.”

“Not skipping.” He mumbled, trying to yank his wrist out of John's grasp, “I have to get to gym.” He gasped, finally pulling it free.

“Not in the middle of math, you don't.” John persisted, pointing to the door. Alex scoffed,

“What are _you_ doing in the middle of the hallways then?”

“I've got study hall at ten, told them I was going to the bathroom. I _knew_ you wouldn't be where you were supposed to be.”

Alex closed his mouth, swallowing his snarky remarks. He blew out his nose, anger boiling up in him.

It wasn't John's job to care for him. He was old enough to do that on his own, and the fact that John _didn't_ know why Alex was leaving early only angered him further. He pushed him away, backing up slightly. He opened his mouth to speak, shout, curse, anything, but it died off once again.

“Alex, I don't pretend to know what your going through, but you're my _best friend_ . I _want to_ know, but if you don't tell me I won't push it.” He sighed, pulling Alex closer, their foreheads touching.

Alex felt his heart pick up, beating so fast in his chest it almost hurt. John's fingers found his wrist again, making the skin tingle, blushing a bright red. He hated his feelings for John's, knowing that if he tried to divulge in any of his fantasies, he'd lose one of the only friends he had. The fact that they were just barely touching had his head spinning made his heart ache unpleasantly.

“I'm here for you Alex, don't forget that.”

Alex's eyes flickered down, catching John's tongue dart out between his lips, licking them. Alex forced himself to keep from doing the same, swallowing. His eyes jumped back to John's, shaking nervously between each if John's like he was unsure of which one to look at.

He wanted so desperately to lean in, claim John for his own, take him, force him, anything so he could be his. He batted his eyelashes, biting the inside of his lip, pushing away those thoughts. His fifteen year old brain trying to tell him he wanted something more than he had, wanted to be just like John, but since he couldn't do that, wanted to _have_ John. The thought only made him indignant, tears burning behind his eyes, threatening to fall. _God_ , he couldn't _cry_ in front of John, out of anything that could happen, it would only make him feel worse.

John's face was still leaning closer, a blush tinting his cheeks a dusted pink, but Alex must've missed it, suddenly extending his arms again.

“I'm sorry.” He whispered, but John didn't hear it, focusing intently on the place between Alex's legs.

It was like he already _knew_ , making Alex's gut twist- but this time it _reall_ y hurt. He let out a breath, grabbing his stomach with both hands, feeling the muscle beneath. It felt like someone was twisting is insides around a fork, then slicing them open. He groaned, wiping the sweat off his forehead. Maybe he was coming down with something. These random strikes at his abdomen had been happening for a few days now, but he hadn't thought much of them. But maybe he should have. He found himself looking back up at John, whose mouth had fallen open, eyes still looking down his legs, then up at Alex's again.

Alex gave him an odd look, tilting his head before finding the place John's eyes kept glancing.

And my god.

He stood in shock, legs spread apart like he was ready to lunge at someone, the top part of his tighes stained red. It was a dull thing on his jeans, but very, very noticeable, the blood standing out in great contrast to the light blue of his jeans.

Cold fear sliced through him like the knife tearing at his insides, pulling him to the cold realization that John was still watching him, and now he knew. The tears fell down his cheeks, catching on his chin and dropping to his already soaked through pants, additional to the mess. A broken sob passed his lips, the tears hot on his face like lava, burning his cheeks with more shame than he could handle.

John was inching toward him, steady, arm outstretched like Alex was a lion, ready to snap at any moment. He wanted to run, cry, hide, but his feet were stuck to the ground, and John's appeared to only get closer. He didn't _want_ John closer, didn't want him to touch him, tell Alex he was stupid, spit the words like they were poison. And maybe to Alex, they were.

He didn't want to here John say he was a girl. Didn't want to hear the words transgender or female to male, or just _female._ He didn't even want to hear his own name, to close of a reminder of who he really was.

“Alex-”

He fell to the ground, covering his ears, ignoring the way the tears feel faster. John got closer, kneeling on the ground with him, then a hand on his shoulder-

“No!” He sobbed, voice returning, “I can't- I'm not-” He broke into a cry, unsure of what he intended to achieve with his stuttering statements.

“Shh, Alex-”

“Alex.” He whispered, voice still choked and hurt, “No- not Alex-” he sobbed, covering his ears fully.

John stopped for a moment, eyes big with worry. He put a hand on Alex's back, noticed the way he flinched at the movement. He closed his eyes, trying to recall anything he could call Alex, something he'd recognize, that wasn't his name.

“ _Mon Chou_ -” he remembered Lafayette making a joke once, but the name kind of stuck. “Calm down, it's okay-”

Alex sobbed again, sniffling in. It wasn't a pretty, or cute, cry either. There was a surplus of tears, latching onto anything they touched, and snot running from his nose. John paid no mind to it, just transferring Alex from his fetal squat to more of a stand.

He had almost gotten him make up when the bell rang. Loud and clear, the spell shattering with Alex's serenity.

The cold truth must've hit him much harder than John expected it would, watching him fall apart even faster. Of course, John registered, that this was probably what Alex feared everyday. Someone finding out, then suddenly everyone knows. Making sure not to even take one small misstep in fear of discovery. This was everything he feared it would be, and in the split second it took John to figure that out, kids were already rushing for their next class.

But he'd already taken off in a run, Alex's wrist still trapped in his palm. He bounded into the first bathroom his saw, dragging Alex behind him, which just so happened to be female. Pulling them into a thankfully empty room, he huffed, jumping into the second stall and locking the door, keeping them both between the stall walls.

For once he was thankful for the weird stalls this school had. They reminded him of the one's he'd seen in a McDonald's once, the doors and walls touching the ground and sealed thoroughly. They were changed after too many complaints of boys being able to get into the room so easily, then having such easily access through the cracks. It seemed to happen more than anyone thought and one girl actually brought _proof_ , having taken pictures of the _four times_ it happened to her _alone._

It was almost ironic, with one of the safe stalls now holding two boys- er- John was still trying to wrap his head around what was happening, turning to the small shivering boy behind him.

“ _Mon Chou_ ,” John cooed, pulling him closer. He eased pleasantly surprised when Alex fell, pilant in his grasp. He buried his wet face in John's should, tears still leaking onto his shirt, but once again, he couldn't find himself to care. “Tell me what's going on.”

Alex took a shaky breath, staring into John's bright green eyes. How long had he wanted John to hold him like this, call him such sweet names, but now it was happening for all the wrong reasons. He choked, wiping the tears off his face, shaking his head 'no’.

“Alex, baby, tell me what you want to tell me. I'll love you either way.” John's voice was so soft, he'd never heard it like that before. It made his heart lift the smallest bit.

“I-I-I’m-” He whimpered, “T-t-tr-r-r-” He sobbed out again, flinching back like John's body was the fire burning him.

John smiled, “It’s okay.” plain, simple. Alex could handle that. Pulling Alex closer, John dipped his fingers between Alex's legs, wiping a stripe over his thigh. He gasped, unprepared for the action, pushing him away again.

John only smiled, but it was a calm, easy smile. It was helpful, endearing. “Your first?” He referred to the gathered blood on his fingertips. Face going scarlett, Alex nodded.

“You're in luck then.” John turned around and placed his backpack on the hook of the stall door. He opened the front pocket and plunged in, pulling out a square wrapped in green plastic decorated with faded flowers, like the pattern of a shower curtain.

Alex cocked up an eyebrow, slightly amused. John grinned sheepishly, “Hey, I have a sister and the Schuylers have me carry some for them too.”

But his grin slowly changed to a frown, eyes falling back to Alex's crotch. “You're probably not…” Alex's face twisted with confusion.

“Not what?” finding his voice again.

“Wearing underwear for girls.” Alex once again blushed, eyes unfocusing. He looked down, “...No.” he bit his lip, “So…?”

“Well, pads weren't necessarily made for… boxers.” John placed the square back on the pocket, digging around for a second before pulling out something else.

It was a long stick shape, decorated similarly to the other, handing it to Alex. He took it, balancing it between his fingers to examine it, looking to John for an explanation.

“You're going to have to use a tampon. I'll help you with your pants in a second, but first put that in.”

Alex eyes almost popped out of his head, “ _In?_ In… my…” John nodded,

“Haven't you ever seen like… those videos they showed you in fifth grade on puberty and shit.”

Alex's blush darkened, letting his eyes fall, “No, the Washington's accepted me immediately and they didn't force me to watch those things… because I _really_ didn't want to.” He sighed, “But I guess, not watching them doesn't make me any less…” he felt more tears slip down his cheeks, not willing to speak any further. He fell forward, letting John pull him in a hug. “It's hurts, John.” He mumbled, his hand disappearing between their bodies, wiping away the tears on his face.

“I know, baby girl, it'll be okay.” John felt Alex stiffen at the name, mentally smacking himself, “I'm sorry- I really didn't mean to-”

He was surprised when Alex looked back up, tears still streaking his face, but with a small smile gracing his lips. “I-I like that. A-at l-least from y-you.” He stuttered, averting his gaze.

John's face darkened a shade, a flashy grin on his face. He tucked a strand of hair behind Alex's ear, forcing him to look up. Alex's eyes, dark brown on his tanned skin, glowed with something he could distinguish. It was almost sad, but happy. This was, of course, upsetting him, but he was happy with the help he was receiving. And maybe a little thankful for some of the attention, at least the attention he got from John.

“I'm going to step out, but I'll stay. Shout if you needed me.” He said, making no move to step away from Alex's trembling frame.

Alex swallowed, closing his eyes and taking a breath… then he lunged forward, forcing John's lips on his own. He cried into it, grabbing John's face and pulling him closer, fingers tangling in his curls. He felt John do the same, one hand on his hips, pressing their stomachs together.

Alex would've gone on forever, his heart beating faster, stronger, with more purpose than ever before. If only it didn't need air to pump, both gasping as the broke apart. Alex wiped the saliva of his mouth, smiling stupidly back at John, his own grin breathtaking.

“I don't think you realize how long I've wanted to do that to do.” John fantasied, voice breathy.

“I don't think you do either.” Alex countered, voice returning almost completely. The snarkiness that normally resides in it, coming back, but still slightly shaky and scared.

John pulled him close again, pecking him lightly, letting Alex swoon into it, before pulling away again.

He motioned to the tampon, hand finding the door and pushing it opened. He stepped outside, leaving a tispy Alex, shutting it behind him. He sighed, letting out a breath of relief when Alex never made a move to lock it again. It made him feel better knowing Alex trusted him that much, and that he was giving John completely access like that.

He waited, hearing the bell ring again. He made his way over to the bathroom door, unlocking it now that he knew no one was likely of coming in after the bell. When he came back, he leaned up against the wall, and was met with a series of sounds. Grunts floated out of Alex's stall, his frustration edging out.

“Alex?” John knocked on the door, hearing Alex groan again, this time with anger. He pushed open the door, catching his glance.

When he looked back down, John opened it the rest of the way.

Alex's pants and boxers we're jumbled at his feet, one hand smeared with blood, the other still holding the unwrapped applicator, also tipped with blood. John avoided looking between his legs, meeting Alex's gaze again.

“I don't know what I'm doing.” He mumbled, face even darker than before. He sounded so scared, John just wanted to wrap him up and carry him home.

“Here…” John pulled Alex off the toilet, “This might be a little weird, but it'll help, okay?”

Alex nodded, standing awkwardly without his pants. John pulled them off the rest of the way, then situated himself over the toilet. He stood above it, motioned Alex to do the same. He complied, turning around so his back was to John, biting his lip.

“John…?”

“Just wait.” He took the tampon from Alex's hand, then brought his other one to Alex's stomach. “I need you to squat for me. You  can lean against me if you need to, I've got you.” His arm tightened around his abdomen, letting Alex fall slightly slack in his grip.

The squat was uncomfortable, but Alex stayed, watching and feeling as John brought his other hand closer to his womanhood. John's finger brushed against his clit, letting out a string of embarrassing moans.

His blush darkened, if that was even possible, the sensitive nerves tingling. He could never bring himself to touch down there. Never wanting to face the truth about it, but having John touch it felt like _heaven_. His body fell limp, feeling the applicator pushed between his nether lips.

Slowly it pushed in, an uncomfortable feeling, especially with the string hanging down, but he could get used to it. It was even weirder when John pulled it back out with ease, leaving the cotton in.

He shuddered, pulling away from him. John smiled, wrapped it in toilet paper, then tossed it in the bin. He pulled Alex back, taking some more of the thin paper and cleaning the blood off him. He dipped between his legs, over his thighs, and purposely brushed over his clit again. Alex whined, biting his lip to stop anything else from coming through.

“How do you even know how to do that so well?” Alex took his underwear off, wrapping them and his pants up.

“I have my ways.” He smiled, pulling Alex's face to his.

Alex could practically feel his lips already, when the door opened and they instinctively broke apart. John smiled, twisting him and Alex around to switch spots. Slowly he opened the door, ignoring Alex's pulls of protest.

“Peggy- did you bring them?”

“Yeah- uh why?” A feminine voice replied, slick and suave.

“Some freshmen girl puked on me this morning.”

“Mhm, sure. Just next time, bring your own clothes. I know we're the same size and all, but seriously.”

“Thanks, I know Peg, it won't happen again.” He shut the door, just in time to hear Peggy say something along the lines of 'You bet it won't’, smiling back to Alex.

He held up a pair of sweatpants, helping Alex step into them.

“Y-you won't tell anyone right?” Alex grabbed his hand, both washing them in the same sink.

“Of course not, this'll be our little secret. Okay, baby girl?”

Alex smiled through the blush. “Yeah.”


	2. Let Me See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does contain (yes, piss) desperation (which I personally enjoy, but it's not for everyone) so if you don't like it don't read.
> 
> Hey, and maybe you'll enjoy it if you do. And if you don't, know you gave it a shot.

Alex tried to avoid sticking his hand between his legs, dancing around as subtlety as he could.

The toilets in the school we're causing havoc, half of the ones in the building refusing to work, and the ones that did had a line packed down the hall.

Normally Alex avoided them entirely, waiting to get home and such, but this time he'd forgotten to go this morning, and he still needed help figuring out his tampons. John had stolen a pair of his sister's underwear, but it was much too big to fit him, so he was only able to sleep in it, at most. He'd wake up, keep the pad on, and wait for John to come to school with the products. John would help him, until Alex felt ready to do it on his own, and maybe get it out too.

Alex really hated pulling it out, though, and John made it better.

John promised him he'd meet Alex in the bathroom in the gym, it was disgusting and most people avoided it, and he was thankful that's exactly how it was today, even with the trouble with the toilets.

When he got there, unfortunately, two of the three stalls were out of order, and the last was occupied.

He groaned, eyeing the urinals nervously, feeling his bladder pulse at the sight of relief. Still he waited, biting his lip raw, and twisting with desperation at the sight.

He could've cried in relief when the door opened, only from his hopes to be smashed when the one and only Thomas Jefferson walked in.

The door swung open with wild abandon, and equally wild Jefferson coming through. He paused, gave a quick glance to Alex, and scoffed.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He snorted, pulling himself up to the first urinal.

“Waiting for the bathroom. Why else would I be the fuck here?” He snapped, twisting at the sound of Thomas’ sigh of relief. The sound of him pissing didn't help either.

“You do realize no one's in there, right?” He laughed, southern accent thick, “They just ran out of 'out of order’ signs.”

Alex's mouth fell open in a desperate groan, he tried too late to shut up. He fell past his lips, and Jefferson definitely heard it.

“What the hell-” He turned around, zipped himself up and washed his hands, eyes narrowing on Alex in the mirror. Hands clenched at his sides, he tipped on the balls of his feet, rocking back and forth. His expression was worried, scared even, biting his lip to keep the tears from spilling.

“Just use a urinal, Hamilton.” Thomas commented from the sink. He pulled at the paper towels, cocking an eyebrow when Alex said nothing. “Cat got your tongue? If only it did that more often.” He spoke on the outside, his insides twisting with guilt after every word. It kept screaming at him to stop being such an ass, but he wouldn't listen. _Damn it_ , he had liked Alex from the moment he laid eyes on him. If only Hamilton showed up in that hallway two minutes later, maybe not even, they would've started off on a better foot. It was a classic scenario of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, his lips forming the wrong words and his mind silent when it came to fixing it.

Still, his pride got the better of him. He could've just stood down, agreed to the smaller boy that maybe he said something wrong, or maybe he'd taken it a step too far, but _no_. He seemed to fall hard into that 'A boy likes you if he's mean to you’ stereotype, but Alex couldn't seem to see that. But god he wished he did.

Alex once again said nothing, only brushing the hair from his face.

Thomas scrunched up his eyebrows, leaning closer to the boy. Slowly he walked over, only for Alex to gasp and fall forward, hand flying to his crotch… only he didn't appear to grab at anything. Merely holding between his legs. He thought nothing of it, making a move to get closer when the door swung open again, a frazzled John bursting through.

He jumped to the side, falling on the floor beside him in his unnecessary jump to safety, yelping and breathing so hard it hurt.

“Alex, I'm so sorry I'm late-” John paused, watching Thomas unravel before him. “Jefferson?”

He opened his mouth to say something, but Alex beat him to it. “John.” He hissed, hands still stuffed between his legs.

Thomas wasn't exactly sure when it clicked, but that time must've been really damn close.

His heart started racing, looking over his features a little closer. His face did indeed look masculine, but now that he saw it, his shoulders _were_ slender and his thighs plump with fat. He was slightly chubby in the middle but it looked almost fake, recalling it from his own sisters cries and moans that lasted about a week every month. His mouth fell open, noticing the straps running over his shoulders, and the very vague bumps across his chest...

John rushed over, gathering Alex in his arms in one fatal swoop, knocking Thomas out of the way. He really couldn't blame him either, Jefferson was the bad guy right now. “Baby girl, what's wrong?”

Even through that, Jefferson silently laughed at the nickname, making a mental note to bring it up later. Then once again, ducked his head in shame, biting his lip with guilt. He didn't _want_ this to grow on him, it was sour, a vial thing that made him want to.vomit every time those spiteful words passed his lips.

“Didn't get to pee this morning.” Alex gasped between their bodies, “I gotta _go,_ John.” He moaned, brushing the tears from his eyes. _Oh, lord, he was crying_. This boy had Thomas falling completely undone, mind wheeling for anyway he could help without provoking him.

John made a quick move to pick him up, realizing all too late, they were the same size and John really couldn't get him far enough in the air. Unprepared, they toppled over, Jefferson letting out a surprised squeak as the hit him, Alex singing something similar.

Alex moaned desperately, hand gripping tighter around himself, looking to John with pleading eyes. John too had a pitiful look gracing his features that made Thomas want to hug the pain away.

His face really must not have shown it though, because in one second, John was turning to him, glare ready. “Don’t say a word. If you do, I swear I can get my father to file a lawsuit against you for undeniably raping a transgender-”

What the _fuck_ , John.

“Holy fucking shit, Laurens, I get it.” He put his hand up in mock surrender, eyes flickering nervously to Alex than back up to John, “I just want to help.” He promised, face softening. And he actually, really, undoubtedly meant it.

That was probably the moment Alex figured it out too. Noticing the way his gaze flickered from his face to his hands, joined too far beneath him to be anything mistakenly guy-like. Something rose in him, something sweet and something tragic, like burping up the taste of ice cream. He wasn't sure why he wasn't as disgusted as he thought he would be with Thomas figuring it out, but there definitely was that unease. The small distrust.

So again, he turned to John, ignoring the puppy dog eyes Thomas was flashing him.

“John…” He moaned, flipping to stand with John's support. He leaned against the wall, a cold sweat sheening his body. “I don't think I can make it to another one.” He whispered, eyes wide with fear, hands clenching tighter as some dribbled into his boxers.

He didn't mean to wait this long, but he barely had any other choice. Those coffees he had this morning were really taking a toll on him, and his stomach was hurting from all the nerves, clenching and unclenching in a loose fitted cramp.

“I can't pick you up, do you think you can walk over there?” John tried, his own worry breaking through his facial barrier.

Alex snarled, “Then what?” The pain really starting to get to him. Alex doubled over again, seconds away from falling to the ground when Thomas finally decided to step in.

“Come’re short stack, I'll help you.” He opened his arms, giving Alex enough room to fall in, or pull away, not wanting to force him. Alex looked at him like he was delusional, spreading out again the wall. Thomas’ face softened, something snapping. He didn't want to be the bad guy anymore, I wanted to be Alex's. Girl or boy, trans or not, Alex stole his heart and Thomas hasn't been able to get over it yet. “Well fine,” he smirked, forming the smallest of plans in his mind, “I find you just as cute, desperate against the wall like that.”

Alex almost choked, gasping and crossing his legs over his hand. He tried to mutter something back, but nothing came to mind, the true meaning of his words sinking in.

John grumbled from the side, “That's my boyfriend.” Coming up behind him, but when Thomas gave him a worried glance, he laid off. It clicked like a puzzle piece, mouth stretching wide.

“ _Oh,_ but I guess we can share him.”  John grinned, playing the part. Alex stuttered out a fit of moans, face so red it resembled an apple.

Slowly, he turned back to Thomas, then willingly fell pilant in his hands.

He grinned, jumping into action quickly. The few steps it took to get over there were pure torture for Alex, all the same. He whined and whimpered, grabbing for something and messing with the fly of his pants.

John trailed them, hastily pulling Alex's hands away and replacing them with his own, unzipping and pulling them down. He took them off completely, waiting until Thoms had him situated over the urinal before stripping down his boxers too.

His legs were semi wrapped around Thomas’ waist as he was held there, grabbing John's hand before letting loose into the urinal.

The sound was loud, his stream hitting the porcelain, the hissing even louder, but nothing as loud as Alex's cries. He buried his head in Thomas’ shoulder, biting at the flesh there to quiet himself. He shuddered as he emptied his stretched bladder, drunk off relief.

His face seemed to get darker and darker with every passing second, the longer it took, the more embarrassed he became. Soon he was squeezing John's hand so hard, he feared it might fall off, moving to look Alex in his tear-filled eyes.

He turned away, not willing to look at anyone, but looking up anyway. He met Thomas’ gaze, watching him with his lips parted, arms strong around his torso, body built beneath his legs. He felt safe, sighing through soft lips.

He looked so cute and innocent. Thomas just couldn't help himself.

He leaned in, capturing Alex's parted lips in his own, licking around them. He savoured the way he tasted, ever wanting to do it and now finally getting to. Alex didn't respond for a minute, eyes somewhere else, before pulling away. It was obvious to tell he was staring at John, supporting what he could of his stomach.

Then John smiled, and it lit up their whole world. He pushed Alex's face away with his cheek, taking Thomas and pushing their lips together. He moaned into it, feeling Thomas do the same, Alex watching with growing arousal, wetness leaking between his legs. Though he wouldn't admit it, he was _really_ turned on by it.

He tried not to make any desperate noises when John helped him up. He tried not to moan when he cleaned him off either, his lady parts throbbing and swollen with need.

Alex ignored the way he stared at it, obviously knowing why, when he pulled out the tampon, wrapping it in paper towels to be disposed. And _damn it_ , he tried to ignore the feeling of John's finger slipping, thumbing his clit with the calloused tips of his fingers, beautifully rough on the bundle of nerves. He always did that, making the pain of inserting it seem better.

He also tried to ignore the feeling in his gut. Noting the way Thomas had turned around for John to help him, that nagging feeling telling him he'd wished he had _looked_ . Wished he and looked and saw him, and _wanted_ him.

He gave John a wairy grin, letting it become brighter when John nodded his head.

Alex pushed his lips to Thomas’ next, licking at the lingering mintiness of John's gum on his tongue, the taste satisfying coming from him.

They paused, breaking apart after Alex whimpered, a hand on his breast. A binder was latched to his skin, but that small bump was still hot under Thomas’ touch. He pulled away, crossing his hands over his chest.

“N-not yet.” He whimpered, wiping his eyes again. John came up behind him, putting a comforting hand in his hair, and another on Thomas’ waist. Alex's eyebrows creased with worry, suddenly becoming aware of their situation.

“So… s-so what are we…?” He cocked up an eyebrow, leaning to lay further into John.

He opened his arms, letting Alex fall fully into them. Slowly Thomas eased behind them, spooning them both.

Thomas felt his heart swoon. _They were letting him in_. He tried not to sound too happy, maybe even a little snarky, just to try to hide how endearing they were to him.

“I guess we're a couple… of three.” Thomas decided, suddenly less confident with what he was saying. “Wow, I have no idea.”

John giggled, grabbing both of their hands. “Doesn't matter, but what _does…”_ he smiled, “Is that I have _two_ boyfriends now.”

Alex felt his heart swell at the term. They were accepting, the loved him for him, called him what he pleased. Maybe they could even make the transition better for him.

“Thank you.” He whispered to no one in particular, feeling Thomas’ arm wrap around his waist, John's following.

They walked out of the bathroom together, hands linked and hearts raised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's get to the sexy sexy fun times.


	3. Let Me Love

(Two years later)

Alex eased his way into the bathtub, thankful Thomas was letting him use it.

His period had ended, a fair two days ago, but the pain lingered like the sting after a stab. His insides were twisting and his mind was spinning, and he just wanted to just throw it all up.

He was one of the people to get really bad cramps. Really bad. They felt like you were being shot, torn apart, then put back together so the cycle could begin again. He secretly envied the girls who bled for barely three days, without any pain or bloating. Somehow, he ended up with the shortest straw there ever was, and he was going to have to get used to it.

He tied his hair in a bun, keeping it out of the water as he sunk deeper, not wanting to go through the drying process. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine what John and Thomas were doing on the other side of the wall, smiling to himself at the fantasies.

Then it was broken, by those cute brown eyes that have been following him around all day.

“Lex?” A small little girl opened the door, making him squeal with surprise, jumping to.cover himself. “Lexi, I bought a pack for you.” The girl came further into view, skin dark, like Thomas’, hair just as wild but pulled back by a ribbon, bright red against her skin. Anna smiled at him, holding a heated water bottle in her hand, her other hand occupied by something behind the door.

Alex kept the towel over his chest, his lower half guarded by the edges of the tub. He tried to fight away his anxiety, watching the little girl pull another person in with her.

They were mere toddlers, but an identical version of her came through the door, smile plastered on his face. “Come on, Randy.” She urged, keeping the door open a crack. “Lexi needs our help.”

The little boy, Randy, looked shy, following his sister's footsteps as they got closer to him. Alex curled up a little tighter, keeping himself hidden behind the towel.

“He doesn't look like he wants our help.” He spoke with a slight gibberish tone, like the one you'd expect from a toddler. It was cute.

“Yes he does. Tommy explained it to me.” Alex's ears perked, eyebrow creeping up. “Explained what?” He question, voice high with nerves.

“ _ You _ .” She replied with a giggle, Randy nodding beside her. He continued,

“Tommy  _ and _ Jacky told us.”

“Told you… what?” Alex eased, trying his patients. They were cute, but he really couldn't handle being judged, especially not from little ones who didn't understand it yet.  _ Hell _ , there were adults who still didn't understand it.

“Told us about you.” Anna stated, face high with pride, “He said you have the parts like me, not Randy.” He pointed to her lower half, making Alex blush and stutter. “ _ But _ , he said that you have a mind like Randy.”

“Which means you don't want to play Barbies, even though you look more like Anna than me!” He declared, equally as proud as his sister.

“Then Eliza,” (Thomas’ oldest sister), “Told us you do the same thing she does.”

Randy frowned, “She didn't tell us what happened, but she told us it hurts your belly every month.”

“So we brought you her pack!” Anna finished, breaking her hand with Randy and handing him the warmed bottle of water.

His heart fluttered, draping it over the side of the bath.

“T-thank you.” He grinned, “You have a very nice family, don't you?” They smiled,

“Mama tells us it's never too early to know what you feel in your heart. And what  _ you _ are feeling in your heart has nothing to do with what your body looks like.”

Alex sat, awestruck and slightly embarrassed by the proclamation, unsure of how the kindergartners were able to understand something so many people refuse to.

She giggled, making a move to sit down on the floor with Randy when the door flung open, hitting the wall with so much force, Alex briefly wondered if it broke it.

He didn't have much time for thinking when seconds later, Thomas was barreling into the bathroom, John in tow, looking worn out and terrified.

Alex screeched, pulling the towel tighter around him, watching as Thomas plucked the kids from the floor and pushed them into the hallway, leaving John, Alex, and the open bathroom door.

“Alex-”

“ _ John, close the door!”  _ He chanted, heart beating wildly beneath his skin. John did just as he was told, locking it as well, before sinking down the wall, covering his eyes with his arm.

“M’sorry Lex.” He pouted, sticking out his bottom lip, “We meant to give you a relaxing evening, but we forgot they'd be here too.” He groaned, banging his head on the wall. “You can move the towel, if you want, I promise I'm not looking.” he added, quietly.

Alex giggled, letting it fall. He managed to calm his breathing, and ease himself back in the tub, biting his lip.

“Could you… uh…” Alex turned his head, smiling when John kept his eyes covered.

“Hm?”

“Get me some medicine?”

“Oh,  _ oh _ , shit, yeah sure.” He scrambled up, turning around before uncovering his eyes, opening a cabinet, hidden behind the mirror. “What do you normally take?”

“Advil.”

“Right…” he pulled it out of the mirror’s compartment, taking two from the bottle. “This should be enough.” He whispered to himself, filling up one of the animal-decorated paper cups with water.

He turned around, catching a glimpse of Alex's wet, bare body.

Alex let a shy smile spread over his features, opening his arms like he wanted a hug. John shivered, hurriedly taking the medicine over to him, gazing longingly when he tipped his head up and swallowed it.

John lowered himself by the tub, taking Alex's hand in his own. Alex sucked in a breath, heart picking up speed again. He could hear his blood rushing, body tingling with delight, the pill already taking his pain.

“You're so beautiful, baby girl.” John gushed, savoring the blush tinting his cheeks.

Alex pulled him closer, letting the water swirl it's pretty patterns around him, taking John's face and leaning closer. He let John complete the circle, smiling into the sweetness of the kiss. Alex whimpered, loving the way John's mouth felt against him and the constantly minty taste of his tongue.

When he pulled back, John was grinning at him, eyes flickering over his skin, trying to center on his face.

His hand was warm in his, taking it and placing it on his misty body. John moved it back to his cheek, thumbing it before pulling him closer, so close his smell was the only thing Alex could breath-

A pounding shattered the peace, both hearts picking up speed for a different reasons. Alex audibly hissed, John letting out a small yell, before running a hand over his face. They broke apart, John closing the shower curtain before sulking to the door. He looked so defeated, it was almost comical, exhausted by all the interruptions.

They were pleasantly surprised when he swung the door open, and there stood Thomas, looking wind blown. Alex peeked around the curtain, waiting until the door was shut before tearing to open, the screeching from the bar drawing back his lost attention.

Thomas grinned, some of his usual sauveness returning. John pulled him over to the bathtub, sinking down next to the side, grabbing Alex's hand. They each kissed one, smiling over the soft skin when Alex giggled.

“My mom took the kids to the park. Give Alex some peace.” Thomas spoke with a find smile, eyeing Alex's body like candy. Normally Alex would try to cover up, back away, but from Thomas and John, it was like a reward. Alex shifted under the gaze, face heating up at his unsaid words. They could see him, touch him and he’d let them… but was it bad he wanted to see them too? Wanted to touch them too? Want to feel his skin on his, their bodies sliding against his, moaning with him-

He squealed, covering his face.  _ Why was he like this _ ? John and Thomas flinched back, scared they hurt him, or made him uncomfortable, but Alex kept them forward. Still bound by their hands, Alex pulled them closer, face impossibly red.

“Baby girl?”

“Want you to-?” He bit his lip, Thomas kneeling back down outside the tub.

“Lex?”

“Will you…” He murmured the last part, hiding his face when he whispered it out.

“Baby, what?” His eyes went wide, pressing his mouth closed tighter. “We just want to know how to help you.” John finished, eyeing both of the boys in the room, flickering back and forth.

“I want you to… join me.” Hands shaking in their palms, he knew they could feel it, mouth twitching.

John stared for a second, face unchanged, mouth dangling. Alex frightened at it, heart pounding the fastest it has all day, the smallest sense of dread pressuring his mind. Easily relieved, the pressure fell when Thomas’ face lit up in the brightest smile he’s ever seen. He pulled Alex’s face to his, mouth to mouth, nose to nose, crashing them together so hard it hurt. The pain ceased in a second, the messy kiss beautiful in any way it could be, breaking apart to see an equally ecstatic John.

He closed his eyes when they began to unstrip, so used to it by habit, but also so they had time to gather themselves before presenting. He scooted over as far as he could in the small bathtub, knowing all three of them wouldn’t be able to fit without stacking. He wasn’t sure who got in first, only remembering a gasp as Alex slid between their legs, giving his own giggle at the hardness pressing to his back.

The water threatened to flood over the side when the next person followed, quickly finding it to be Thomas when his accent gave him away. He opened his eyes, focusing on the face in front of him, not daring to look down any further, no matter how much he wanted to. Arms slinked around his waist, pale on his skin, hands larger and firmer on his torso. John rested his head on his shoulder, taking a deep breath.

“You smell like Thomas.”

He giggled, but it was short, breathy. Thomas hummed pleasantly, taking Alex’s hand. Once again his eyes darted down, then right back up before he could even catch a glimpse, trying to avoid Thomas, but look at him at the same time.

He chuckled, “It’s okay, you can look.” Alex looked to John first, catching his smiling face on his shoulder, eyes zeroed in on the place between Thomas’ legs. Alex sucked in a breath, biting his lip.

John’s eyes flickered to him, then back, “You’re really missing out, ya know.” Making him blush further. Slowly they eased back, a gasp choking on his lips.

It was pretty. He wasn’t sure what the right word to use was, but it seemed to fit well enough. It was flushed a sweet pink, hard on his stomach, the tip darker than the rest. His dark skin covering any flaws it could have, long and slick. He reached out with hesitant fingers, curling them around the base.

He jumped when Thomas groaned, only for his wrist to be caught. “Good.” Thomas moaned, putting his hand back, “Feels  _ so good. _ ” He hissed, mouth falling open. John gasped in his ear, rutting his hips into Alex’s back. He felt thicker, maybe not as long as Thomas, but definitely fatter.

He moved his hand up and down, twisting over some parts, stopping when Thomas’ moans did, and continuing in the place they were loudest. When he brushed over the head, Thomas yelped so loud, Alex was afraid he hurt him, hand flying back off.

“Thomas?” He made a move to touch him, but was stopped by his wrist. “Did I hurt you?”   
“Of course not… I’m just…” Alex cocked up an eyebrow, still suffering from the embarrassment of it all. He shifted, drawing another moan from John.

“ _ Ohmy- _ ” John hiccuped, smirk loud and clear in his voice, “He’s  _ close, _ baby girl.” When Alex didn’t respond for the second time, John laughed a little harder, then stopped. Teasing Alex may not be the best thing, especially not when he’s so new to this. “He was about to come, Alex.” Thomas blushed, stuttering excuses, when John cut him off again, “You make us feel so good, baby girl.” Emphasizing with a buck of his hips.

Alex smiled, taking Thomas back in his hand besides his protests. He wiggled his hips with John, using his gasps as fuel, pumping his hand faster beneath the surface of the water. He watched Thomas unravel before him, eyes glazing over, body slipping under the waves of his hand. He noted his breathing getting heavier, John’s too, taking it as a sign to speed up. He pulled up with just the right amount of force, twisted over the head, then thrust back down, and that was all it took.

Thomas cried out, body shaking as something white shot from the head, not stopped by the water, and onto his chest. What coated his hand stayed on when it was lifted from the water, bringing it to his lips. It was salty, unsure of why he wanted to taste it so bad. A tremor ran through his body at the thought of sucking it out, lips around Thomas’ cock, hard on his tongue…

John moaned behind him, feeling more wetness travel up his back, the bathwater thoroughly ruined.

He paused, letting them both catch their breath. Soon Thomas was standing, cock soft, stepping on the plug to unpop it. He yelped, feeling arms wrap around him, lifting him bridal style. Then there was a towel, and running. They were running. Sprinting down the hall to Thomas’ bedroom, shutting and locking the door once they got there. His twin bed was small, but John and Alex fell into it in a fit of giggles, Thomas sitting at the end.

“What was that for?” Alex snorted, pulling the towel over his body.

“Bath was destroyed, we had to save you.”   
“Save me?”

“Save you.” Thomas confirmed, falling on top of them. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Alex blushed, smacking his arm, “It’s true.”

John hummed, nodding his head. There was a pause, a long one, everyone holding their breath, waiting for the next move. It’s all been so perfect, nobody wanted to ruin it, but they all knew they wanted to go further.

John winked to Thomas, thumbing the side of Alex’s towel. It slipped off, drawing a surprised breath from Alex, legs twisting under Thomas to no avail. They stayed separated, leaving his sex open to them both. He was too focused on Thomas to feel the hands sliding up his back, then around his body, drawn back when his nipple was flicked.

He moaned, the sensitive nubs not used to so much attention. His legs stopped their fruitless attempts to be closed, hands flying to John’s. Thomas grinned, pushing Alex’s legs apart further, gaining a whine. He knelt between their bodies, bringing his finger to the slickness of Alex’s hole. He swiped from his hole to his clit, adding a little extra pressure when he reached the top. Alex wailed, John’s other hand finding his untouched breast, rubbing the weight in his hand.

Alex shut his eyes tight, the overwhelming sensations too good to be true. He’d never wanted to touch down there, but somehow they made it better. Proud this was his body, and he was gaining such attention from it. Without this body, he wouldn’t even have John and Thomas in the first place.

“Please.” He whimpered. He didn’t want to hide anymore. “Please, something, anything…” Thomas beamed, never hearing such beautiful sounds slip from Alex’s mouth like that.

He lowered his head to Alex’s womanhood, drawing in the sweet scent.  _ Damn _ , he didn’t even know they smelled, let alone good. It was like pineapple, making him imagine Alex’s origins. His Caribbean upbringing, his sweet Caribbean taste. He inched closer, nose pressed to the light pubic hair, planting a wet kiss to the bundle of nerves. Alex’s hips thrusted up, drowned by the pretty little shape his mouth made when he cried out.

Thomas confidently licked over it, gaining another gasp, like a game. But this wasn’t a game, this was his Alex, his sweet, loving, baby girl. Alex wasn’t yet aware of the pleasures of being female, and maybe Thomas wasn’t either, but they weren’t going to stand by until Alex was feeling the exact same things they were. He puckered around it, sucking slightly. Alex gave a whole body shiver, a surplus of liquid gathering at his chin.

When he tried to continue, Alex pushed him away, “Too much.” His whispered, realizing with pleasant shock, that Alex had come.

John’s arms fell, mouth going wide in a grin. Thomas looked up, the rose red face of his boyfriend indicating Alex already knew, hiding behind his hand.

“I’ve never done anything like this before.” His voice shook, face burning, “I didn’t… know…” John shushed him, pulling him in for a kiss. “So wonderful, baby. You’re breathtaking.” Alex compiled, settling for the half kiss they managed with John’s body under his.

“Do you… want to do something like this?” Thomas questioned.

“You mean go further?” Alex swallowed.

“Ye-yeah?” Alex’s eyes went wide, mind screaming yes. Yes, yes, he wanted to, but he didn’t know how, or what to do. “We don’t have to!” Thomas recovered, the red seeping down his chest. “I just want to know if you’re ready-”

“Yes.” Alex sat up, sure they could see his heart beating through his skin.

“What-?”   
“Yes. I’m ready. I want you to make love to me.” Their hearts skipped a beat, ready to switch. The laid Alex flat on the bed, John picking himself up and moving behind Thomas. A bottle of lube appeared out of nowhere, it seemed, the a hesitant condom. They both turned to him, answer already ready. “I’m on birth control. Have been since… well, you know.” They continued to stare, continuing with a sigh, “It’ll be okay. I  _ want  _ to _ feel _ you. Not rubber, I don’t want my cherry popped by a piece of plastic.”

John giggled at the ‘Cherry popped’. Alex had picked up from their dirty conversations. “This is your first.” John acted like he was explaining something, it was cute actually. Alex nodded, “Well, since mine his…  _ thicker _ ,” He spit the word, so crude on his tongue it made him shiver, “So he’s going to do it.”

Thomas turned back to him, “Are you sure?” ready to his lips, but it never came. John wore something spectacular over his gaze,

“This just means I get to pop yours.” He pointed to Thomas, who sucked in a breath. Uneasily turning back to Alex he whispered,

“I guess I know how you feel.” They both giggled, before letting it die off, the bottle of lube slapped from his hands.

“It’s going to hurt. I know it will, but I don’t want it too. Are you  _ sure. _ ”

“Absolutely.”

“You know you can stop whenever.” Thomas interjected, popping the cap.

“Of course.”

“There might be blood-”

“There is every month.” Alex took the bottle, flipped it over and poured a generous amount onto Thomas’ fingers. “I’m okay. I  _ want  _ this. Please?” He sighed,

“Okay.”

They tossed the lube back to John, grasping the bottle with slippery fingers. Thomas bent forward, ass presented to John like a meal.  He licked his lips, lubing up his fingers, and pressing them to his rim. He clenched around nothing, unsure if he wanted it in or to stay out. He let out a shuddering breath, waiting until he had more control before he stuck his in Alex.

But Alex was lacking the patenites. What he did before felt _ good. _ It never had before. He wanted  _ more _ . He wanted it  _ now. _ He was ready. “Please, Thomas.” He moaned, thrusting his hips into nothing. He choked when Thomas fell forward, giving him the perfect view of what was happening behind him. And it was definitely attractive.

Thomas’ hole was stretched open between two of John’s fingers, mouth open against his skin, lost in the pleasure. He cried out, pressing his hips back, Alex moaning at the sight. He looked up, meeting Alex’s gaze burning through him, suddenly guilty he was absorbing all the pleasure instead of sharing it. He felt tears sting his eyes, in a mixture of both, clenching his teeth to keep his noises at bay.

He’s never done anything like this before, his body reacting in anyway it could. It was a stretch, but after the initial pain, it was all worth it. Tears fell the deeper John went, stretching and pulling and prodding when-

“Oh!” 

Alex jumped, gazing back over to John, grinning victoriously. “Found it.”

He pulled out with a whine from Thomas, lining himself up. Alex got his first good look at him, very thick, tip red, strawberry red, leaking. Alex wanted to lick it up, feel it expand in his mouth, settling for watching it enter Thomas.

He pushed the head in, and Thomas was all over it. He pressed back, moaning ‘more’ like he lived off it, crying out with every inch gained. He became a sobbing mess, pressing for my, rutting over Alex’s leg, now slick with precome, easing the friction. When John was all the way in, his paused, the tightness glorious around his length. He felt that even if he wanted to move, he’d come then and there.

“Alex…” He moaned, voice shaking, “Your turn.”

Alex jumped with excitement, bending his legs to give Thomas room to work. He barely lifted his head, eyeing Alex’s slicked hole, giving it a tentative touch. Alex shuddered, body aching with need. Thomas added more lube, “You ready?”

“Yes, yes, so ready, please, Thomas-” He died off, a shout fast to his lips, leaving it before he could control. Thomas’ pointed slipped through easily, nothing bothering the barrier. It was his second finger that set off the pain, ripping the muscle that declared his virginity. He gasped, tears slipping down his face. He reached out, taking John’s hand in his own, and squeezing. It was unpleasant, very much so, but he waited.

Thomas looked up, trying not to move and take his attention away from Alex. “Are you okay?”

“Hurts.” He babbled, “Bad.” Thomas used his free hand, relying on John to steady him, wiping the tears on his cheek.

“Do we need to stop?” Alex shook his head no, spreading his legs further with a flinch, “It’s only going to get better, I promise.”

Alex took a long shaky breath, taking longer to exhale it. He shuddered, mouth wide. Slowly Thomas eased his fingers out, Alex’s body clinging to them like a lifeline, but they were gone. Easily replaced by his length, John helped him line up. It looked as if Thomas was just sitting on his lap, but Alex knew that wasn’t the case, John’s fat cock still buried beneath the skin. Thomas tried not to dig into it, chase his pleasure, come on just the fat cock beneath him. John pushed him in with their own connection, a tight heat burying him.

He sobbed at the pleasure, hearing Alex do it from pain.

That’s when it finally snapped.

His eyes shot open, moving both him and John closer to Alex. Stomachs warm over each other, Thomas pressed kisses to his cheeks, pressing himself further in. The farther the better, Alex would get used to it quicker. He ignored Alex’s cries, only listening for ‘stop’ or ‘wait’, but it never came. He paused, not letting the warm, wetness of Alex’s heat get to him.

“You’re doing so good, baby.” John cooed, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. Thomas smiled, wavering from delight.

“Y-yeah. F-feel s-so good a-around me.” John gave an experimental thrust, relishing the sugary half-laugh Alex gave at Thomas’ whimpers.

They stayed like that, breathing, living, connected. Alex focused on his heart, then the pulse of Thomas on his own, then the pulse of John through his wrist. This. This is what made it okay. This is what made his heartbeat everyday. Hearing someone else’s. Knowing they were pumping blood just like him, feeling the same things he was, knowing the same things he did. That if their bodies did this, then maybe they weren’t so different. Maybe he could hold onto what he had.

“Move.”

Thomas looked up, words dying on his lips.

Alex looked so pure, precious, and suddenly, Thomas wanted to give him everything. John smiled, knowing they all wanted the same thing. Easily, he thrust into Thomas, forcing him to move over Alex. He cock pressed deeper, stretching Alex in ways he’s never been before. It wasn’t a bad feeling either. Like Thomas said, that was over, the only thing left was love.

They moved like clockwork, John’s thrusts matching Thomas’, moving with incredibly synchronization. Alex’s world was bright enough as it was, having them here, feeling them around him,  _ inside him _ , but suddenly it became so much better.

He cried out, Thomas hitting something deep under the surface him he never knew existed. Color exploded around him, body arching off the bed with an exuberant shiver, body tingling. Pleasure flowed through his blood,  _ like it was his blood _ , living, breathing, pleasure. He screamed,

“Faster! Harder!  _ Please more. _ ” He experimentally pushed his hips against the forward flow, hitting that bundle deep inside him again. He clenched around Thomas with another shout, making him do the same to John. They all moaned, loud, high, screaming each other’s names.

John’s became desperate pleas, body aching to be fucked. He took two fingers, still lubed from Thomas, and stuffed them inside him, no prep. He singled out on the nub to deep for him to hit. With each thrust, his finger got closer, his body trying desperately to bottom out, while topping.

He truly wasn't one for being dominant, body shivering with need when someone was authoritative over him, cock always straining during cheer practice, especially when Thomas helped. Oh, when some told him what to do, he was a messy, ready to be flipped over and fucked like that was all he was good for.

He loved subbing, submissive was his code, something he lived for, hand on his cock, cock in his ass, never moving only teasing…

He added another finger, taking more. Thomas gave another thrust, Alex gave another cry, the sounds like a symphony. The thrust jammed back his fingers, cracking over his prostate, whip-like and sharp. He howled, burying deep inside Thomas, coming undone with every sight, sound, and smell. He came, shooting his release as far as he could, stilling himself at the immense pleasure crashing down on him, taking him for it's own.

He pulled out just on the brink of oversensitivity, crying out at the lingering tingling. He twisted his head, practically falling off the bed, but he didn't care. Thomas' kept pounding into Alex, faster and harder, just as Alex wanted.  _ Needed _ . He was just a mess, hair undone, body flushed and beaten, red with life. He wrapped his legs around Thomas’ torso, hands free to find John's.

He sucked in a breath, pushing aside his fatigue to let Alex lead his hand. Pressing them in-between Thomas and his bodies, Alex forced his fingers to his clit.

John began working it furiously, pressing past the lips, and to the folds, over, down and around it all. Alex sobbed with relief, feeling it swell under it touch. Fat and red, the nub stood out, desperate to be pleasured.

John noticed Alex's change, moans higher but softer, drowning with feeling. Right when Thomas thrusted back in, he pressed  _ hard _ .

Alex all but screamed, arching of the bed, toes curling, drool spilling. He came around Thomas with a bang, more arousal spilling around them, making Thomas cry at his triggered release.

He came, shooting his seed inside Alex without a thought in the world, pulling out just a soon. He fell over him, breathing so heavy it sounded like he'd finished a race.

John, a needy thing after sex, pulled himself up, desperate for anything to cuddle.

Thomas sat up, letting him between them. John and Thomas talked about this before.

John fell into a little space quite readily, after an intense scene or not, he was there. It was just something he did, like his body did it to stop the embarrassment of what he just did. He craved cuddles, the skin to skin contact after, the kisses, the hugs. He needs to know he didn't make a mistake, that they were proud of him, happy he did it. Alex wasn't like that. He needed a second to breathe. Not even that long, just a second. They knew that because he was jumpy, antsy and scared when he wasn't in control or collected. He needed a second to be his part again. Needed to be whole.

So Thomas swooped John away, pulling him to his lap, whispering sweet praises. Alex joined when he was ready, suddenly wanting just as much contact as John, needing to be close.

Thomas pulled a blanket over them, and they fell asleep, jumbled together in a happy, naked pile. Their touch rejuvenated each other, the breathing giving new life.

They were happy, Alex was happy. And he was excepted. Happy and excepted was all he needed. And maybe a little love, but he had plenty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now,  
> For part two.

**Author's Note:**

> Can someone explain the lack of sexy Jamilams fics????
> 
> Come on, we have to change this.


End file.
